I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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