I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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