This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
