thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
