All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
