I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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