I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
