Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
