one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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