remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I want to be your penis for a week.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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