i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
