After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
