and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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