i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
