she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
