I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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