I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
