I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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