Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
