I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We need to get me chipped asap
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
