This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
