I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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