i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
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