isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
