Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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