Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
