guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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