i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
