these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He's on the porch naked. Help.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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