Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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