I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
