**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
