just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
