I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
