Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
