Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I stole a fireplace last night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
