Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
