We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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