note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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