with your own penis?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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