Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
