Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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