So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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