By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
