I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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