my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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