i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
