Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
