So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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