My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
