9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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