"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I am spending my child support on dildos
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
