theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
