i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
