I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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