i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
