T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You did what with his pubic hair?
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