Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
