At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
