Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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