plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
