I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
