It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
