I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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