how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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